Playground Rant

We went to the playground in our new neighborhood yesterday. I was taking pictures while my child was standing up there screaming for help. When she realized that her useless mother was taking her picture instead of rescuing her from danger, she started a general plea for help out to the world. And yes, that's when I took this picture. Isn't it cute? My daughter is yelling for a drunk at the bar down the block to come save her. Better preserve this moment with a picture. Click!

In the past few years, I've put in some time at the playground, and you know what? It's torture. Half of the time is spent me being bored, pushing her on the swing for what feels like hours. The other half is spent with my child yelling at me and sobbing and generally acting like the worst human being because eventually we have to go home. In general, it has gotten to the point where I never want to give her nice things because she acts like such a bitch when those nice things are over. It's like how our neighbors gave us some cupcakes so ONE TIME we had cupcakes after dinner. Now every dinner is bullshit in her eyes because it doesn't involve cupcakes for dessert. And she just doesn't seem to comprehend that I don't have any cupcakes. So in her eyes, I'm refusing to give her cupcakes because if I gave her cupcakes that one time, then I obviously have the power to produce cupcakes at will, so if I'm not giving her cupcakes now, it's because I'm being terrible, and the only solution is to shed real tears and throw herself on the ground. (But you know what? The fact is, I really do have cupcakes at my disposal 24/7. I'm a grown up with a debit card and a car. So she kind of has a point, even though she's still being a bitch about it.)

But the playground thing. I can't even blame MH for it because going to the playground is always my idea. Because I'm an idiot who never learns her lesson. Needless to say, after playing for a good 30 minutes--which required my full undivided attention and APPLAUSE every time she went down the slide--I said it was time to go and she pitched a huge fit that included sobbing, running away from me, and screaming to the sky for help, as if she were pleading with God for salvation from such suffering. And I SWORE, as I angry pushed that stroller with my writhing two year old and sleeping baby (yes, he sleeps soundly during MH's screaming but still wakes up every two hours at night, but this is a whole other blog post) that I would NEVEREVEREVEREVER go to the playground again! Never again!

Yeah right. I'm totally bringing them to the playground again today. Because I'm an idiot.