If peeing your pants is cool, consider me Miles Davis

(Yeah, no picture. You try doing a Google Image Search for "Adult Diapers." <shudders>)

Okay, I've tried. Many times, I've wanted to blog about gross pregnancy stuff, and I resisted. But there's one thing I have to confess: I keep peeing my pants.

It's not a huge amount, but as a potty trained adult, any amount is unacceptable. And besides being kind of gross, it's just weird. There are very few situations beyond infancy where you are encouraged to pee yourself, and I think every one of them happens in water. Like when you are at the beach and you have to pee. Or when you're in fifth grade at camp spelunking and the counselor tells everybody to pee themselves to "keep their legs warm." These are highly specialized incidents.

You know when you're not supposed to pee yourself? When you are sitting at your desk in your office. I think the only people who pee themselves at work are people who work in Chinese factories or Wal-Mart and aren't allowed to take bathroom breaks. But even in those cases, it's not ideal to pee your pants. You're probably not too embarrassed because everybody has to do it, but there are still feelings of shame, like how did you get to this point in your life where your boss tells you to pee your pants at work and you do it?

I can only think of one job where peeing your pants is 100% awesome: astronaut. In those cases, it's probably a mark of pride to change your diaper. It means you are so busy doing amazing things, you don't have time for mundane time sucks like peeing. It's like super successful people who can give up sleeping. Look at all this free time you have, now that you aren't sleeping/peeing like a chump! You really took charge of your life and accomplished something.

Of course, I'm missing the most obvious thing about peeing your pants. How lazy is that? If I didn't use excessive bathroom breaks as a way to avoid work or seek privacy in my house from my husband and child, I might actually consider it. Except I feel like there are a few more stairs I'd have to tumble down before I got to the point of diapers. Like sweat pants. First I'll be the person who wears sweat pants everyday. Then I'll stop showering. Finally, diapers! If I work hard, maybe I'll be there by the time MH is potty trained.

It'll be the closest I'll ever get to being an astronaut.